GONNA BE A BEAR!

Characters: Barry and Mary.

The play begins:

BARRY: Mary, there’s something about you. You look different!

MARY: I’m thinking, you fool!

BARRY: Oh, that’s it!

MARY: Stop kidding around!

BARRY: Okay. What are you thinking about?

MARY: I’m thinking that in my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.

BARRY: Oh Mary, I don’t think you….

MARY: Let me finish, Barry. Yep. I’m gonna be a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. After last week’s Bible Quiz, I could sure deal with that!

BARRY: Mary….

MARY: And before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too! Especially if I could eat double-chocolate ice-cream sundaes.

BARRY: Yummy! But, Mary…

MARY: Don’t interrupt me, Barry, I’m on a roll. When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. And if you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. I could sure deal with that!

BARRY: Just one thing….

MARY: And if you’re a bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup, I’m gonna be a bear!

BARRY: Can I speak now?

MARY: Sure.

BARRY: There’s one problem with your whole bear idea.

MARY: What’s that?

BARRY: When you die, Mary, you will go to Heaven to be with Jesus. Are you saying that you want to leave Heaven? Even to become a bear?

MARY: (thinks) You know what, Barry?

BARRY: What?

MARY: You’re smarter than you look!

BARRY: Smarter than the average Bear?!

The two friends laugh and dance around until it is time for a new activity.